crossroads and asparagus

this post is perhaps what started as...the coming out post...
{as re-posted in full from my kiwi street studios blog.}

this post is a bit overdue, but i had to think about how to write it. i admit my blog has been a pretty lonely place lately.  i have been busy, but not sharing too much of it, i am working on that.
does the word crossroads mean anything to you? yes, of course it does. is it fair to say that everyone reaches one (or more) once or twice (or more) in any given career or lifetime for that matter?
i think so. you get where i’m going. i’m here. again. but i must say that each time it’s more directed. still, why is trying to figure out where you really really want to go so difficult? when you start anything new, you dive in and just go, like in overdrive and you soak it all up.
then, you start pausing more often and the beginnings of the hard questions start. am i doing what i really love? am i supposed to be doing this? which path should i take? i have choices, i have dreams, i have wish lists, i have stacks of pages of sketches and ideas. why can’t i just do it all? how much time is there is a day again? does this sound familiar? at the end of the day does it just make you…dizzy, frustrated and paralyzed?

so, yes, there are lots of choices…we all have them. we teach our children this ongoing life lesson. there are always going to be choices and then there are consequences to those choices, some good, some not so good.
so choose wisely.

now what? we’re still at those crossroads. what do you do?
here’s another thought. everyone learns and grows as they do their ‘thing’ more and more. we know (hopefully) that we are getting better all the way around. but. do you ever look back to where you started and think…i like that better than where i’m at right now. it just looks and feels more like me. i wasn’t trying so hard or looking around so much.
i was just doing my own thing. yeah.

so, i’ve been taking a step or three back from it all and revisiting that place. it feels good and real. it is not that i haven’t tried to be real and authentic with everything i’ve done to this point, but one can veer (play). we all veer (play). and veering (playing) can be wonderful. as long as it’s still authentic. your authentic.

ok…now what? i don’t have all the answers, but here’s something i do know:
life is too short to not be doing what you most love. if you’re not, change it. you have a choice.
and here are some other things that i know:

i love being with my family.
i love being surrounded by other creative souls.
i love using my bare hands to dig in my garden.
i love the words ‘lovely’ and ‘delightful.’
i love and miss film and my film cameras. look for more of them both.
i love photographing children…real life messy or dressed up pretty.
i love documenting the connections between people and for that matter, the light within all people.
i love pretty. can’t and don’t want to help it. i just do.
i love creating and embellishing things. nothing is safe.
i love all the design/graphics and marketing parts of my business.
i love styling. i am a stylist. fashion, still life’s, products, interiors, flowers, give me (most) anything and i can style it.
i love shooting food. there, i said it. i love to cook and i’m finding that i love to photograph the process, the people and, of course, the food. it’s amazing actually. all rustic and organic in feel, simple, natural light, crumbly and real.
i love shooting commercially. there, i said that too. i swore i wouldn’t do it. but i love the projects that have come my way. and i want more. lots more.
i love my ongoing projects. they keep me exploring and growing creatively.
these are the some of the things that i am looking and reaching for and really trying to fit into my business and my life as they make up my world. and…they make me happy.

what about you? i would love to know what you love.


No comments: